Monday, September 28, 2015

I LIVED MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD IN FEAR

I have been reading Rosie Batty's memoir excerpt from her upcoming book and it has hit home with me as I was also a victim and so was my family. I feel really sad with all the happenings of late and those lovely lives lost due to abusive relationships. 

I feel like I am betraying my father but I feel I need to get this off my chest. I too was abused as a child and became so afraid of my father and I still was even as an adult he had a power over me that scared the living daylights out of me. I have only ever spoken about this with my immediate family and shared snippets with my daughters. There is a weird feeling running through me as I type this I feel like I am going to get into trouble. But I also feel the need to share and hopefully help another in a similar circumstance. 

As a teenager I had this fear inside me no matter what I did or where I went my father had a power over me that I just could not shake and could not let go until recently when he passed. I still get scared if their is a disagreement with a male that he may get angry enough to lash out and hurt me ...... but thank goodness that has never happened.

Dad was also a fabulous father at times and we had loads of adventures as a family travelling and holidaying throughout the east coast of Australia. Wonderful memories were made.

Dad was a drinker and spent a lot of time at the pub. We spent loads of time getting off our school bus only to be picked up and taken to the pub again, which was not too bad as we had a chance to mix with the local kids and relax. Then it would come time for dad to drive home and this is the time that we would have to brace ourselves depending on dad's mood as to whether we had a happy trip home or one that scared the living daylights out of us. 

We lived in the country at least 20 minutes from anywhere so Dad had to drive on a dirt track that was like a cliff on one side and mountains on the other. All I can say is lucky dad was a good driver as he used to scare us by speeding up and then stopping just before the cliff dropped. That was one example and there were others of physical abuse too.

My escape was going to school and occasionally staying over friends houses. Mum was my confidante and gave me permission to do things I would be to scared to tell or ask my father. This has given me the courage to be a better parent and allow my daughters to go out and experience life and live a full life being with and doing what they love to do. Trust was a huge issue with my father which has taught me trust my daughters that they will be honest and tell the truth always. I have never had a problem with them ever ...... I know how lucky am I. To come through the teenage years with my daughters happy and trust free.



I had written this as an outlet to place thoughts to words, I had no intention of publishing this piece. Who does this Miranda Devine think she is publishing this article 'Demonising men will not stop violence against women'. At this very moment my stomach is doing flip flops and I am angry that this so called writer has it in her head that the violence only occurs in indigenous communities and poorer communitites. My mother, who is paralised down one side of her body due to a car accident when she was only 15 was abused often with words and violence which then rippled down to us children. We lived our lives scared and were vulnerable to this man that we loved and called our father. This is not demonising men this is demonising those ones that want to hurt. It is a minority group and I never for one minute think that this is all men. Yes domestic violence happens to men also. All victims of domestic violence need to be listened and adhered to. There have been 31 women killed in 5 weeks that just shows that something has to be done.

Then I read this article 'We're letting domestic violence survivors down. I know my Mum was one.' This article struck a cord with me but my sister, brother and I did not turn to drugs we came out being the best we can be learning to make our lives better and to live and be better and happier than our childhood. 

Domestic violence does not discriminate and these men feel they have the power over these women and children to hurt no matter what walks of life you come from.

Malcolm Turnbull is starting something and I applaud him for this as we have lost too many people through domestic violence. This plays with the hearts, minds and souls in every form age and sex. We need to grow knowing that this is not OKAY. Also not all men are abusive and I like to believe it is a minority but we need to do something for this abuse to stop, not that I ever think it will but we need to start somewhere.  These men hold the power and feel the need to inflict anger and hurt among others male or female to feel powerful and have control.

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