Monday, October 28, 2013

parenting monday WHEN PARENTING SUCKS



Firstly I just want to let you know that I love and adore my daughter's to pieces. In the past year since separating from my partner of over 20 years it has become really hard at times. Most of the time we all get along fabulously but there are times it is REALLY hard when I am trying to be the best parent I can be and the girls finding and making their own stamp in the world times can get tough.

Parenting can suck BIG TIME. The back chatting and having no respect is just killing me. I am drowning at the moment and really struggling with how to cope with lows of parenting. As I am sitting here I have tears rolling down my face as I feel I have lost control. 

At the moment I have an 18 year old from hell. Someone who is showing me no respect at all and then thinks it is ok. I think I am fair and maybe too fair sometimes. I also remember giving my mother a hard time in my teens as well. It is such a scary and unrelenting time. 

I can handle this all happening occasionally but this is so constant that I feel like I do not get a break. You know what really scares me is that being so disrespectful just makes me want to run away. It can be so hard.

This has broken me a little and I need to tackle it all from a different angle. I had a chat to my sister about it and realised that I can do this and we can both come out the other end happy, healthy and full of love. It is just a stage that we all go through at some stage in our lives.

Do you sometimes struggle as a parent?

Here are a few tips on how to get respect from your teen -

1. Show your teenager respect. In order to get respect, you have to show respect. This doesn't mean you have to give into everything she demands, but that you stay calm when things get heated and don't threaten her. Small children learn from what their parents model; this is true for teens as well. Take her feelings into account and work together on solutions.
2. Be firm with your teen about family rules and limitations. Teenagers need established rules, so they know what is expected of them. When rules are broken, there must be consequences but avoid empty threats and losing your temper with him. This will make him feel like you don't care and have little respect for him.
3. Talk with your teenager about respect and her attitude. Explain to her what respect means to you and how important it is in life. Tell her that respect involves caring for another person and showing that through actions. It also means listening to you and your opinions without judging. Recommend ways that she can show respect to others. She can be kind to others less fortunate or helpful to those in need, for instance.

4. Call your child out when you see him showing disrespect to someone, whether it is you, another family member, a friend or stranger. On the other hand, praise him when you see him being respectful.

5. Show patience and understanding. The teenage years are tough on a kid, with all of the changes happening to her body and emotions. Patience and understanding will help both of you survive these difficult years.

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