Sunday, April 15, 2012

on my mind WORRYING FOR NOTHING


birds



I recently read an article on Mamamia 'NOTHING WE WORRY ABOUT REALLY MATTERS'

As a mother of two teenage daughters and step mother to three gorgeous adults, and nana to two step grand kids I am curious to ask if you worry about how smart your children are? I used to really worry about this when my daughters were little and compare my kids to others all the time about what reading level they are on, how good they can spell etc. Why do we as mother's compare our children to others? I have learnt that each child is different and no matter how good they are they all find their own place in this world and the most important thing to me is that they find and do what they love.

We as parents are thrown into the world of comparing ourselves and our children to others. Why do we torture ourselves so much and then realise down the track that there is no need for comparison. Each child is individual and completes their learning in different stages and places. I know this so well as my eldest daughter has had learning difficulties and I used to compare all the time. But why did I do that, I am so proud of my daughter and all that she has achieved each and every year. I spent all those years comparing for no reason at all. Really how many parents actually look at your child and say that mine is smarter than yours, or that mine started talking, walking, going to the toilet, etc before yours? I have realised that all this is irrelevant, as the children get older and more mature they find their niche to what they are good at. There is always another hurdle to overcome at every stage of parenting. I have learnt that both my daughters will achieve what they can by doing the best they can and that is all I ask from them. I am so very lucky that they I have wonderful daughters who are growing up so beautifully and are so well respected with their peers and family. I love them to bits and I am the proudest mother in the world.

from mamamia

Having four children in four different countries has meant that I have received four very different approaches when it came to parenting advice. To wrap or unwrap, to control cry or to attach, to breast-feed for at least 4, 6, 12 months or more. To circumcise, to what in the hell would you do that for? You can have one drink. You can have no drinks.
My four children, unsurprisingly, have different levels of intelligence and physical abilities depending on what it is that they are doing at the time. I would hazard a guess that none of it is related to whether they sat in a stroller or spent more time in a baby sling. The one pregnancy that I technically got everything right for, has not resulted in a child any more brilliant than another. The unplanned pregnancy, the one that didn’t receive the vitamins and the forethought, is interestingly the child who is supposedly quite gifted. This could be luck, this could be life.
When I look back at everything I was told and every book that I read, one piece of advice stands clear of everything else. It came from my obstetrician in Malta. A brilliant man with the kindest heart. A man with six children of his own.
As I was packing my bag ready to leave the hospital with a brand new third little traveler, Dr Muscat walked in to my room to check on how I was and joked about how the easy bit was over. I was now heading home to three children under four. He stood over the third little traveler and looked down at him with a very sincere smile and said “you are very lucky” and then he looked in my direction. “Both of you – you are very lucky”.
“Take him home and cherish him. Remember to take a moment to really look at him and love him. It is the very best thing you can do for him”.
It’s simple but it’s true. Don’t get caught in the hype, don’t beat yourself up, don’t over think it.
Just love them.


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