Thursday, March 29, 2012

losing a loved one MANAGING GRIEF


As you, my lovely readers, know that I lost my father last Tuesday to pneumonia after having emphysema for a long time and having a lung reduction 13 years ago. Dad has always struggled to breath, now he is breathing easy. 

I am finding it hard today as we are back home after being with family and friends to celebrate Dad's life. Trying to get back into normality is tough realising that you no longer have a close family member around to share life with. I am going to miss my father's weekly calls. Grief is a huge wave rolling high and low. 

Managing grief can be really hard. Below are some suggestions that may help you to get through this time.

Accepting your feelings

There is no right or wrong way to feel after losing someone you care about. Accepting the feelings you have and acknowledging you are going through a stressful experience may be helpful in managing your reactions. Many people wrongly think the intensity of their feelings means they are going mad.

Allow yourself to cry

It is OK to cry. You don't have to be over your feelings in anyone else's time except your own. If you feel uncomfortable crying in front of people you may want to make a plan so you can leave and go to a safer place. This may be:
  • a quiet room
  • the park
  • school counsellor's office
  • your favourite spot.
If you are in a classroom, it may be a good idea to let your teacher know of your plan at the beginning of class, then if it happens the teacher will know what you are doing and that you are safe.

Take time out

Friends and relatives may have deep feelings of grief as well. The way they manage these feelings may be different to you, which can mean that people's reactions to things are exaggerated. Things that would not usually stress people out may do so.
If you are having trouble coping with other friends or relatives it may be a good idea to take time out. You may like to:
  • go for a walk
  • listen to music
  • hang out with friends
  • kick a footie.

It's OK to smile

After you have lost someone it may be helpful to talk about the memories and good times you have had with that person. There are likely to be many happy memories and fun times. It is OK to enjoy those memories and have a laugh about the fun you have shared. This is not a sign that you miss the person any less.

Saying goodbye is important

Part of the grieving process is letting go of the person who has died. Saying goodbye to the person helps you to do this. You may want to do this by:
  • writing a letter
  • going to the funeral
  • having your own memorial service.
It is important to say goodbye in your own way and in your own time. There is no right or wrong way for doing this.

Avoid bottling stuff up

Keeping things to yourself may mean that the tension builds up inside you. Finding a way to express how you are feeling may help you to feel better. You may like to talk to someone, write your thoughts down, draw or punch some pillows. 


Have a massage
Having a massage may be a nice way to help you release some of that tension that can build within you.

Talk to someone

Talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling may be helpful. This may be a family member, friend or youth worker. It may help to share your experiences with others who have had similar experiences.
source ~ reach out

1 comment :

  1. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time. having lost my mum one thing I know for sure is that each person deals with things in their own way and you have to do what you have to do to cope with your grief. there is no right or wrong and everyone feels things and reacts differently... what I found was that I had to be honest to my feelings and let my family in on those... thinking of you xx

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